In our everyday living, when something disturbing happens, whether it was someone said something or did something that we did not like, or simply life circumstances that wasn't going the way we wanted, we usually feel irritated, hurt, frustrated, sad, maybe even become angry, furious, resentful...... or whatever the feeling may be, it is a feeling that most of us would prefer not having.
There are two ways we can process this within us.
Identifying Victim-Mentality
The common way of thinking is "Because of XYZ, I am feeling 'bad'." (Here 'bad' is used as a representation of all undesired negative feelings)
In this common way, we blame others or circumstance for our agony. The result is that we need others or our circumstance to change before we could feel better.
This is what we called Victim Mentality.
There are many excellent articles out on the internet that describe and explain victim mentality. The following is just a few of the many I liked: you may also google search Victim Mentality, you will find many brilliant articles.
The Victim Mentality by Osiris Montenegro
Do You Have 'Victim Mentality'? What To Do About It by Morty Lefkoe
Another less common way of inner process is: "Because I expected XYZ to be a certain way, when XYZ did not turn out the way I wanted, I am feeling bad." In this statement, the 'I' becomes the point of origin, whether agony or power. We can take responsibility of how we feel and take action in changing it. We no longer require XYZ to change for us to feel better, we no longer give our power to feel better to XYZ.
And if we decide that we are going to take matter in our own hands and resolve the undesired feeling. We can figure out different ways to better our feeling without the need for others or circumstance to change.
This is an empowered way of living. When we practice this attitude often enough, we can easily master our emotional state and constantly and regularly create happy and joyous feelings despite the circumstance or others' words and behaviors.
Take a Closer Look at Victim Mentality
The following part of the article in grey color is part of an article "Say No to the Victim Mentality" published by Cohen's lifestyle clinic
the benefits of the victim mentality
The victim mentality is addictive and can be pretty beneficial in the short term and for instant gratification.
(2) You don't have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and so you don't have to risk rejection or failure
(3) You don't have to take the heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just tough from time to time. In the short term it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility
(4) It makes you feel like you are right. When you feel like the victim and like someone else is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings
By being aware of the benefits you can derive from victim thinking, it becomes easier to say no and to choose to take a different path.
the long term consequences of the victim mentality
How will it hold you back from achieving the goals you deep down dream about in life?
How will it affect your most important relationships?
How does it affect your relationship with yourself?
Be honest with yourself and get motivation to change by seeing how destructively this will affect your life over the next year or even 3 to 5 years from now.
Replace the victim mentality with something more helpful
Gratitude - It is healthy to recognise and accept the initial pain when something goes wrong in life and to not just paint a fake smile on your face. However, after that initial pain is gone you don't have to create more suffering for yourself. Instead, you can tap into gratitude and ask yourself: "Does someone in this world have it worse than me?" and then take a few minutes to think about the small and bigger things you have in my life that you can be grateful for.
Learning and taking action - After tapping into a more grateful frame of mind, you will be more open to getting a good answer out of this next question: “What is one good thing about this situation?” or “What is one thing you can learn from this situation?” You can then follow it up with: “What is one small step you can take to move forward or out of this situation today?” By asking these question and taking some small steps forward over and over in these situations you will build confidence in yourself and while you cannot control everything in life you can build more and more power and influence over your own life and achieve your goals!
There are two ways we can process this within us.
Identifying Victim-Mentality
The common way of thinking is "Because of XYZ, I am feeling 'bad'." (Here 'bad' is used as a representation of all undesired negative feelings)
In this common way, we blame others or circumstance for our agony. The result is that we need others or our circumstance to change before we could feel better.
This is what we called Victim Mentality.
There are many excellent articles out on the internet that describe and explain victim mentality. The following is just a few of the many I liked: you may also google search Victim Mentality, you will find many brilliant articles.
The Victim Mentality by Osiris Montenegro
Do You Have 'Victim Mentality'? What To Do About It by Morty Lefkoe
Another less common way of inner process is: "Because I expected XYZ to be a certain way, when XYZ did not turn out the way I wanted, I am feeling bad." In this statement, the 'I' becomes the point of origin, whether agony or power. We can take responsibility of how we feel and take action in changing it. We no longer require XYZ to change for us to feel better, we no longer give our power to feel better to XYZ.
And if we decide that we are going to take matter in our own hands and resolve the undesired feeling. We can figure out different ways to better our feeling without the need for others or circumstance to change.
This is an empowered way of living. When we practice this attitude often enough, we can easily master our emotional state and constantly and regularly create happy and joyous feelings despite the circumstance or others' words and behaviors.
Take a Closer Look at Victim Mentality
The following part of the article in grey color is part of an article "Say No to the Victim Mentality" published by Cohen's lifestyle clinic
The victim mentality is addictive and can be pretty beneficial in the short term and for instant gratification.
A few benefits are:
(1) Attention and validation - You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out
(1) Attention and validation - You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out
(2) You don't have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and so you don't have to risk rejection or failure
(3) You don't have to take the heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just tough from time to time. In the short term it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility
(4) It makes you feel like you are right. When you feel like the victim and like someone else is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings
By being aware of the benefits you can derive from victim thinking, it becomes easier to say no and to choose to take a different path.
the long term consequences of the victim mentality
How will it hold you back from achieving the goals you deep down dream about in life?
How will it affect your most important relationships?
How does it affect your relationship with yourself?
Be honest with yourself and get motivation to change by seeing how destructively this will affect your life over the next year or even 3 to 5 years from now.
Replace the victim mentality with something more helpful
Gratitude - It is healthy to recognise and accept the initial pain when something goes wrong in life and to not just paint a fake smile on your face. However, after that initial pain is gone you don't have to create more suffering for yourself. Instead, you can tap into gratitude and ask yourself: "Does someone in this world have it worse than me?" and then take a few minutes to think about the small and bigger things you have in my life that you can be grateful for.
Learning and taking action - After tapping into a more grateful frame of mind, you will be more open to getting a good answer out of this next question: “What is one good thing about this situation?” or “What is one thing you can learn from this situation?” You can then follow it up with: “What is one small step you can take to move forward or out of this situation today?” By asking these question and taking some small steps forward over and over in these situations you will build confidence in yourself and while you cannot control everything in life you can build more and more power and influence over your own life and achieve your goals!
.... The above in grey text is repost from "Say No the the Victim Mentality"
Here is another great article The Victim Mentality that does a great job in explaining details of many levels of victimhood.
It is common to see one's victim mentality only shows up in relationships and not work place. For example, this person maybe very capable in their job and skills, so there is no problem at work. But when comes to personal relationships, particularly close or intimate relationships, when the friend or partner says something (or did something) that did not meet one's expectations, they immediately change their attitude to anger or rage, claims that "you wronged him/her" and demand apology. This is considered as Aggressive victim. Agressive victim expresses anger and rage to 'combat' other to gain whatever they want, sympathy, kindness or love.
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Many of these articles also offer methods and suggestions of how to get out of victim mentality. From my kinesiology background, my intuitive ability and my personal healing experience, I found that getting out of victim hood is not easy as a step by step instruction.
It had taken me years to identify a few physical and metaphysical source of these emotional patterns. In order to throughly transform the victim mentality and feelings, all physical and metaphysical patterns (not necessary childhood experience) needs to be addressed and balanced so that we can truly be free of the victimhood.
Of course, the first step is to identify the victim mentality within us. The best way I have found is to read all about it, observe others' victim identity, and then self-reflect. Out of the first three step, self reflect is the most challenging one.
our next article will introduce the physical and metaphysical aspect of the source of our emotional patterns.
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